Modesty

I have two wonderful daughters. As a mother it is my responsibility to teach my daughters what is right and wrong. In return, I provide them with a good foundation to make decisions. With that in mind, I am presented with thousands of opportunities to teach and guide my children each and every day. One thought that recurs often is how to teach my daughters modesty.

I look around today and the idea of modesty seems to be a thing of the past. It saddens me to see young girls putting their bodies on display and the age seems to drop lower and lower with each passing year. It breaks my heart that they feel the need to present such a spectacle to fill the void that is so obviously there. I even find it difficult to find clothing for my girl that is appropriate, as every market is heavily flooded with alternative options. It’s a lot easier to find cute and adorable show all clothing, than it is to find cute and adorable modest outfits.

My mother somehow instilled it in me to wear clothing that did not reveal my body. I was not the teenager that hid short outfits to wear in secret away from home. In fact, if I recall correctly, I didn’t even own any revealing outfits. Maybe that is the key, to never purchase such outfits for my daughters. Then again, at some point they will be old enough to shop on their own. As a child I completely lacked the desire to dress provocatively and felt my body should be viewed as something special for my husband only.

How does one teach such a virtue when the world often leaves little to the imagination with their choice of attire. How do you insure your daughters that the attention that it will attract will not be the attention God intended for them. How do you make them see that most of the other girls are desperate for affirmation and dressing in such a manner fuels that addiction. How do you convince them that they are not lacking or missing out by not dressing like the other girls.

I find myself continually looking at my own childhood, analyzing right and wrong as I aspire to try to do what is best for my children. I want them to be strong and confident. I want them to have a healthy body image and be able to look in the mirror with content. I want them to wear long dresses and comfortable jeans, self assured that they are beautiful without showing a lot of skin.

After much thought and prayer this is my approach. First and foremost, lead by example. How a mother dresses is vitally important. A mother is a daughter’s very first role model. A title that will likely last a lifetime. A daughter can not help but look to her mother for examples of how to dress, behave, love and work. The list goes on and on for the standards we set for our children.

Secondly, start from a young age. Once potty training was over, even while at home, I dressed my daughter in appropriate clothing. My thoughts is, if she is never running around half naked, it will never be a comfortable lounging attire. Doing so could possibly create the mindset of wearing it in public seems absurd.

Third, I do not purchase short shorts, v cut shirts, two piece bathing suits or belly shirts. If I would not wear it, I do not buy it, period. Realistically, I know they will grow older and one day shop for themselves, but maybe the mindset  will carry over into adulthood. Until then, I will not provide them with those options to wear.

In conclusion, I am no expert and my daughters have yet to reach the age to prove my logic. I am simply a mother trying her best to raise her children right in a crazy world. Sometimes my urge to write and overactive imagination sends me down analytical rabbit holes that lead to more questions than answers. Other times I have an epiphany and everything makes sense only for a small moment. Not sure which one this one is but I am glad you could join me.

Because He Needs Me

It  was harkening for me to realize as a first time mother, that the tiny creature before me relied solely on me to keep it alive. I was what decided when and how he was held, fed, bathed, changed, and comforted. My body produced the liquid that filled his belly and sustained him. I poured my heart into another human being like never before, like I never knew possible. I understood every choice I made affected him and could have a domino effect well into his future.

The monumental task before me seemed impossible some days. Being a mother doesn’t have a time limit. It doesn’t stop and become a state of completion. It continues until the day we die and beyond. So many different choices with uncountable outcomes. How scary and daunting a thought can be. Each day I was faced with thousands of opportunities to fail or succeed, knowing each one could have lasting effects. I vowed to do the best I could to provide for him because he needed me.

Then one day I woke up and my son was walking and moving about as he pleased. The once, incapable, fragile baby was now into everything and going non stop. He no longer needed me to warm his bottles and change his diapers, but he needed me in other ways. He needed a soft kiss on his boo-boo and a bedtime story every night. He needed his sandwich cut into triangles and he shoes tied at least twice a day. I noticed the distance between him and I, but was grateful to have a little space to breathe. It can be so difficult to be needed all day, everyday.


Next thing I remember is the overwhelming sight of my son holding his oldest sister. The joy of becoming a big brother beamed from his face. My once baby boy, now seemed a whole lot bigger and a whole lot more capable. I couldn’t hold him in my arms like his sister, in fact he barely fit on my lap. He didn’t need me to kiss his boo boos anymore but he still needed me. He needed me to play along with monster trucks and race cars. He needed me to teach him self discipline and emotional regulation. He still needed me, just in different ways.



I look again and time speeds past once more and before me is a boy who resembles a man. He has broad shoulders and stands tall like his father. He greets me every night when I come home from work and carries my lunch box inside. He holds his baby sister almost as if she could be his own. He no longer needs me to help him with the big emotions inside,  but my name is frequently on his lips. Always asking me to come watch a movie together or if there is any way he can help. He still needs me despite almost being a man. He needs to know I am proud of him and support his every dream. He still needs me.

I hope he never outgrows that mentality of needing me, him and his sisters too. I hope they always require something from me and know I will always be there till the end. It is hard going through each phase of motherhood. From newborn to empty nest, each chapter we are needed a little differently and it is a mother’s  job to adapt and be what our children need.  God blesses mothers I believe, because it’s through Him we find strength and courage to sacrifice and nurture our children. To show up everyday and be what they need despite what we feel like or may need ourselves.

I started by becoming a tiny human’s everything  and now my children have become my everything.  I am not sure where I will be if my children ever stop needing me. It is a reality I find hard to fathom. After being in motherhood for 11 years and three kids later, I am not sure I know how not to be needed. Some days it is hard and overwhelming. Some days I fail and barely pull myself out of bed. Other days I cook three balanced meals and get the house clean. But everyday, I should be grateful, and I pray, I never forget what a blessing it is to be a mother and for guidance to do it His way.

The Never Ending List

The Importance of not losing yourself as a mother is crucial to raising well equipped children. As a mother it is easy to over extend yourself. Someone is always needing something and something is always needing done. However, as mothers we need to prioritize ourselves from time to time. Knowing this, I still have a hard time putting that into practice. I will pour and pour until my cup is completely empty, and then somehow still manage to pour more. I let mom guilt convince me I need to do more and be more, until I am beyond exhausted.

That mindset can be detrimental to a person’s mental health and well-being. Not only will it leave you feeling depleted and underappreciated, it will also take a toll on your body. It affects your mood, your energy levels, it depletes your body’s dopamine. Eventually this leads to having little patience and struggling just to maintain everyday routines. You become irritable and snappy, constantly wearing a flat line instead of a smile. Once the parents become stressed and uptight, it usually resonates through the household. The children mimic the personalities of their parents.

A mother who constantly over gives slowly gives pieces of herself away until only a shell remains. She will forget the small things that make her heart sing. She will forget what makes her unique. She will forget who she is outside of motherhood. The woman that lives inside her will cease to exist, possibly never to be found again. It is our duty to maintain a sense of self so our children will also. It is our job to cater to the little girl inside of us and give her attention as well.

So if you are a mother reading this, for starters, good job and keep reading, it is a great outlet. Also, I want you to know that the dishes can wait, it doesn’t matter that they have been sitting there since yesterday. The laundry already smells funny in the washer, you can restart it later. The toys strung all over the living room can lay there a little longer. Go do something you want to do. You’re not getting any younger and you don’t want your whole life to be a series of events of everyone else coming first.

You can not burn a rope from both ends and not expect failure. You can not continue to bend and not expect to break. You can not continue to pour from an empty cup without consequence. By denying yourself simple pleasures you are robbing yourself of happiness. Not to mention the standards that are being set for your children. Would you want them to create the same type of family dynamic for themselves?

I can guarantee everyone will be a lot happier and more content if you would take a moment for yourself everyday. Even if it’s just five minutes, do something that brings joy to your heart. Read a book, draw a picture, write something, start a puzzle, try that recipe you saw online. Put earmuffs on and lock yourself in a room for a moment of silence. Whatever, just as long as it brings you joy, do it.

It is never too late to learn something new or start a new hobby. Don’t be afraid to be a beginner at something. We must teach our children how to rest and just be. We do not have to fill every moment with an activity. We don’t have to stay busy constantly. The dishes can wait, the kids can wait, dinner can be just a few minutes behind. Take a moment for yourself and just breathe. If not, you’re going to dig yourself an early grave and then you will be forced to rest. Start today, start right now. Until you make a conscious effort to make it a habit you will continue to place yourself at the bottom of the list. A list that never quite gets completed.

Ezra

Introducing my debut novel Ezra!! A twisty thriller with magical realism!

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